It's Coming...

It sort of feels like I am in a car that's careening down a hill towards a cliff that drops off thousands of feet into black nothingness. Why you ask?

Because I am heading off to college in less than 10 days. 

Okay, so maybe I'm being slightly dramatic. But either way, there are times when I feel that way. I can hardly even believe that it is almost here. For such a long time college was this fictional thing that I merely talked about. Just some thing that I was doing at some point. But now it is going to be my reality very soon. 

I floated through orientation in a dream like state; none of it seemed real. It felt like just another thing I was doing. Not until I registered for classes did it really hit me. I was going to be living here...studying here. Taking those classes. 

That's when I started to freak out just a little bit. Sitting there, on the most comfortable mattress in the world (not), the fluorescent light flickering, bathing the white cement walls in a nasty yellow light, while all my peers were still at the block party,  I thought "well shit. I can't do this". In that moment it just all seemed so awful...all the the fears I had about college were coming true. 

It was really happening. There was no going back now; which at the time, was a panic inducing thought. Since then, I've gotten more used to the idea. There still are days when I nearly loose my shit because I think about how I won't be here to see the leaves change, or pick up my sister up from the bus, or go for a walk in the woods behind my house. 


But deep down I know that I can do this. And more so, I must do this. I need to go through this process of learning to be away from home a responsible for myself. Even if I don't learn a single thing from my actual classes (which won't happen of course), the experience itself will be worth it all.


So I am going to go about this is with the attitude that I had during my trip to Scotland. Take each day (and challenge) as it comes, do my best to enjoy and treat it like an adventure. As long as I can keep that attitude, I know I'll be fine. It will be a struggle though. For a whole year I have been removed from the college loop and as refreshing and empowering as that was, it seems odd to finally be looking over the precipice. Here's hoping it all goes well. 

Thank you for reading! Stay tuned because I am currently coming up with a name for a second blog I would like to start that will be dedicated to college times. (any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.)


 

Back in the USA!

It has been just over three weeks since I have returned from Scotland. Things have picked up where they left off and have been moving on swiftly. I still find it strange to return to all the normalcy after the amazing, life changing adventure I have just experienced. The first few days after I returned, I wanted desperately to do my "summing up/recap" of my trip while it was still fresh in my head, but things got in the way. I started back at work pretty much right away, then I saw a bunch of friends, then work... but now I have finally resolved to use this free morning to finally get to it. So here we go!

I set off on my trip very nervous and not knowing what to expect. I was excited at the prospect of adventure, but unsure of how I would navigate my way through it all. Nervous but excited. Anxious yet thrilled. 

I left Scotland with more confidence than I had ever had. With the ability to not care about knowing what to expect. With a whole new outlook and freshened perspective. But most of all, I now can say with confidence that I feel ready for college. Even excited. Which is pretty huge considering a year ago the very sounds of the word filled me with dread. 

I could write on and on and on in lengthy prose about the things I learned and influences this trip had on me, but instead I will do so in bullet points. That way it won't be to boring to read...

LESSONS/EPIPHANIES/THINGS ANNIE LEARNED IN SCOTLAND:

• Sometimes Scottish accents sound like another language because they are so heavy. This happened to me several times. 

• Cross that bridge when you get there. 
• This was the single most important lesson for me during my time there. I had plenty of, Holy shit what am I doing moments, and it was this idea that kept me sane. Whenever things seemed too big to handle, or overwhelming, I would remind myself to cross that bridge when I got there. For example, once I had settled in (which took a very short amount of time), I started thinking about how I would get to St.Monans. How would I figure out the bus? Would my bag fit? What if I missed it? I was worrying about something weeks away. Reminding myself to worry about it when I got there was the way I faced and over came each challenge. This method is going to be a huge help in the future too...

• Don't speculate too much about things that make you nervous.
• Sort of the same idea as the previous. Don't worry about something before you have to. Because you have no idea what to expect. You don't know what the future holds, so don't waste energy fretting about it. 

• Just go with the flow. Amazing things happen when you open up and see where things take you.  

• Carpe Diem. Seriously. 
•  “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
  ― Henry David Thoreau
• There is nothing to loose by living life with this attitude. I went about each day there like this, and it was amazing how good I felt . 
 

• Henry David Thoreau was right (as always).
• "Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”
  ― Henry David Thoreau
•  I was more content on the farm than I have ever been, because each day and I was solely focused on the jobs and nothing else. 

• I CAN do it. 
• This was another big realization I came to during this trip. Before I figured that I could travel on my own, but I wasn't truly confident I could. But I PROVED that I can. I navigated the buses, I got everywhere I needed to with no problems, and I made friends with complete strangers. I successfully did things I only had ever dreamed I could do. Small things, but none the less I proved to myself that I can do just about anything. That message is shoved in our faces all the time, but there is a reason for it. Because it's true.

That just about wraps up all the things I learned during my time in Scotland. Some where small, like how to properly plant Hawthorns, and others were big realizations about life, like learning how to overcome challenges. All in all, It was just an amazing experience. The farm was beautiful, Edinburgh was beautiful,  everyone I met was lovely and inspiring, and I can't wait to WWOOF again. 

And the best part, I feel 200 times more ready for college than I did before. 

Mission complete.