My Philosophy on College

I think that any high school senior will agree that the most dreaded question to every be asked is "Where do you want to go to college next year?" or "What do you want to study?" or "What do you want to do?" . These types of questions are extremely irritating, especially when the answer to all of them is "I don't know", which in my case was the answer to all of them. The idea of college was not something that I got excited about this time last year. Here is a little passage I found on my computer that I wrote a year ago in October (I remember coming home from a college planning night at my school and writing this):

The entire right side of my neck was in agonizing pain. The muscles were seizing up and tightening the more i thought about it. I tried to close my eyes and roll my head back and forth over my shoulders, in hope it would loosen; would let up. I even tried to sit there and give myself a pep talk. “It’s not that bad.” or “Don’t give in to the pressure” or “Carpe Diam” or (my personal favorite)  “Don’t worry, be happy" ; Thank you mister Bob Marley. Unfortunately, not all over us have the positivity, and will power, and by will power i mean a very recognizable green leaf, that you do. It feels as though someone stabbed my in the side of the neck and it slowly and deliberately trying to pull out the homemade shank from my tissue. Very grim, I know and i apologize. You see, I am very good about dealing with certain pressures, but once it gets to a certain point, I loose it. And I really loose it. Then suddenly I am rebounded and fine again, giving mental pep talks to keep the mood going. I am sure you are wondering what pressures I am referring to. College. That's right college and the application process and everything that goes with it. I am a senior in high school that has been at school for just about 12 days, and I am already on the wild roller coaster of stress. Each day that passes is a mixed blessing. On one hand, as all the teachers so clearly point out, we are one day closer to graduation; to freedom. I thirst to get away from the high school environment. It’s one of the worst places- but don't get me started on that. I know that I am done with high school and am ready for life to really begin. To be free and have control. Yet, on the other hand, the thought of college scares me shit less. Away from home, away form friends, family, my own bed, my own room, my pets, and everything else familiar. At age 17 (or 18), we are asked to move away from all of that and choose something that could affect the rest of our lives. Yeah, no biggie. I have no clue what I want to do. Or what college I want to attend. I only know what I am truly passionate about and what sort of areas I am looking for. I have no real major in mind, or career path. I realize that many others don't either, but the way the guidance councilors lay all this stuff on you, they talk as though you have got your life together day by day. At 17. Yeah. So in 4 years at high school we are expected to mature from that terrified, almost always childish rising freshman, to an adult that has everything worked out and goal set. Okay then. I know I am not. And the worst part is, it seems to me that others actually are. The very thought of all this is making my neck tighten down harder. “Dont worry, be happy”. I try, oh yes, I try. This is an endless battle that will not end soon. One moment I am looking at a college on line, excited about the campus and exchange opportunities, and the next I am having my neck tense up at the word “college”. I can easily hack it no biggie, then, there is no way, I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready... WHEN ARE YOU READY? That is one major thing no one takes into consideration. Everyone speaks as though you are ready to bound off to college as soon as you get the acceptance letter. Many people are. I know I am not. At parities when there are a group of adults who know I am in this process, always come up to me and ask the dreaded question “What college do you wan to go to?” or “What do you want to major in?”. Typically, I just smile and say “Dartmouth, Champlain College, UVM, rally anything in Vermont or New Hampshire.” I feel like a dirty liar because in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, “What the hell are you saying?! Annie,You don’t know anything about these places! Ha! And a major? Is that a joke?” Normally, I pull something out of my ass like, “journalist” or “ archeology”. I love both of those things, but I don't know what to choose. What I pick in college will affect what I become later in life and what college I choose will affect that and there are like fifty million colleges that could be right for me. what if I apply to the wrong ones? What if when I get there I just cant do it? I am sure, depending on who is reading this, you are just chuckling at these questions, Yes, they may seem absurd, but they are the reason my neck is out of control. My whole philosophy is to not take things to seriously and just roll with it, but the way other kids talk, it makes me seem like a crazy hippie.  

Well it's a damn good thing I settled on going to UVM, for there will be plenty of other hippies to fraternize with. Anyway, that pretty much sums it up perfectly. Kudos past me, nice job.Just a little hyperbole and some imagery and boom; a wonderfully descriptive passage that helps to describe one of my motivations to take a gap year. Thanks for reading!